Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Exhibit Hall: On the Tchotchke Patrol

Really, now, who comes up with what carriers, brokers and vendors decide to purchase to draw attention to the booths in the RIMS exhibit hall? And how much do they spend … or look like they spend? (Not much, in many cases.)

The booth item selections are, at best, uneven. The need to police this part of the trade show has never been greater. It’s time these products come under some scrutiny. Thus, we at Risk & Insurance would like to introduce you, the reader, to the first self-appointed tchotchke patrolman.

Be warned. This cop’s packin’ …. pens, in both breast pockets.

Don’t care if your items are made of wood, or of plastic, aluminum, cardboard, leather, or nylon.

Don’t care if your paraphernalia contains a propylene glycol, a methylparaben or a fragrance.

Don’t care if your goodies are made cocoa, monosodium glutamate, or organic milk.

Don’t care if they’ve been “regifted” because they failed to move at CICA, or at LOMA or at IASA, or at PRIMA, or because nobody, absolutely nobody showed any interested in them – zip, zilch, nada.

The only criteria is how likely risk managers are to pick up your trinket – and we’re not talking about trade show hangers-on, trinket trolls, and card-carrying members of Freebie Nation.

We only care whether serious, professional risk mangers like Wayne Salen of Labor Finders Intl., Scott H. Beckman of Advocate Health Care and Robert A Meyerhoff of Boeing Co. might give these items half a thought.

Nor should anyone think, not for a second, that the trinkets business isn’t cut-throat. It thus deserves our attention.

“It’s always a competition,” said Heather L. Suttle, the Texas-based marketing manager for EFI Global. “It’s an unstated competition.”

Indeed it is, hence the need for the tchotchke patrolman, who’s unafraid to make a decision about which trinket deserves to go free, and which ones deserve to sink to the bottom of San Diego Bay.

We figured that now that the booths have all been taken down to clear the way for the convention center’s next trade group client, we won’t run the risk of getting beaned in the head with a stress reliever.

So here goes … We’re going to arrange this listing in a “hits and misses” format. But because we’re all in San Diego, and we’ve probably ordered fish at least once this week, we’re listing items based on whether they can swim or sink.

Trinkets that pass muster with the tchotchke patrol deserve to “swim.” Items that don’t we’ve left to “sink.”

Before we start, the obligatory disclaimer is in order. This is a most unscientific survey.

Some companies are mentioned in the SWIM and SINK category because the trade booth was hawking more than one product.

Here we go, now, hold your breath.


SWIMS:
Sunscreens: We’re in San Diego, the earth is warming and a good number of attendees are on the golf course. Risk manages need sunscreen, even in April.

Luggage tags: Risk managers spend more time in airplanes and airports than they do with their significant others. Their luggage is at risk of being misplaced or lost.

Green bags: Bags are always good, just what you need to carry trinkets to bring home to tot. Kudos to one vendor for choosing reusable bags by Earthwise. Green is good … and we’re not talking about money, for a change.

Ice cream: Always a hit, particularly in Southern California’s hot climate. In fact, this tschotchke patrolman loves ice cream so much that if you’re desperate for your trinket to float to the top, he’s open to bribes – in the form of more ice cream, of course.

Cell phone/PDA accessories. Risk managers spend more time on their cell phones and Blackberries than with their spouses or children. A flashlight attachment would have come in handy for risk managers fumbling about for a phone number in a darkened alcove at Stingaree. Anti-slip pads to prevent cell phones from slipping off dashboards or tables are a good idea, though the tschotchke patrolman isn’t sure jut how long these would last. Still, we’re willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.

SINKS:
Stress Relievers: Risk managers don’t stress in a soft market because prices are flattening out or dropping. The only ones likely to panic are the brokers and the carriers. Stress relievers in the shape of Emperor penguins just don’t fly in San Diego. Couldn’t they’ve at least chosen a grey whale, or a shark? And the pink pigs with wings and shades … wassup wit’ dat?

Technology: The kind of minimal “giveaway” technology we’re talking about here is pretty basic and rudimentary. Often it doesn’t work as advertised, but it’s even more frustrating and self-serving when the technology is locked and key drive files with promotional material can’t be erased.

Coasters: Risk managers shouldn’t be drinking on the job. When they do, they’re usually drinking wine at white-linen restaurants.

Wallwalkers and other gooey gimmicks: A definite no-no. Cheesy, sticky, weird, infantile, and worst of all, in bad taste. The next time the trinket patrolman catches a vendors in such flagrant violation of the rules of decency, the vendor’s name will be made public!

Candy: The stuff’s for kids. Stay out of their cookie jars


Hot tchotchkes this year seemed to be the hand sanitizers.

But tchotchkes on the wane appeared to be golf equipment – ironic given San Diego is home to Torrey Pines. A couple of vendors saw fit to give away tees, and BDO decided chocolate golf balls were good enough to make the cut.

A veteran of the tchotchke circuit, speaking from a hidden location blocks away from the convention center and only under condition of anonymity, said that he couldn’t remember the last time he’d laid a finger on a tchotchke.

The items that are worth keeping, according to this source, those that risk managers really deserve, are part of the “private stock.” Brokers and carriers stash away the goods in the drawers or behind the trade booth curtains.

The tchotchke world spins on its own axis. There doesn’t seem to be much rhyme or reason to the trinkets that make it to the booths. Why is it, for example, that there are so many more tchotchkes at a society for risk managers than there are at trade shows for disability managers?

At the Disability Management Employers Coalition, for example, conventioneers rarely touch tchotchkes, according to Joseph A. Daee, national sales manager for Allsup, a firm that helps plans recover disability and workers’ compensation overpayment dollars.

At RIMS, tchotchkes help attract the curious like nectar attracts birds. “You need good stuff to attract people to your booth,” said Daee.

Well that’s just about it from the exhibit floor of this year’s RIMS conference. This patrolman’s pen has run out of ink … but there’s time to leave you all with one more thing. “Tchotchke” is Yiddish, and it means “a little piece of crap.”

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